Q: My husband originally hails from Wisconsin, and I was raised in Indiana. After three years in the Lone Star State, we have become comfortable throwing a “y’all” or “fixin’ to” into our conversations at home, but we still feel a little unqualified to use these expressions in public. At
Q: If one makes a genuine effort not to be seen while peeing outdoors, can that still be considered urinating in public?Frank AllenRicardoMarch 2009A: Yes and no. The need to shake the dew off one’s lily away from modern facilities is one of life’s many inevitabilities (and one of its
Q: Every year at wildflower time my wife, whom I love dearly, insists that I come with her and the kids for the annual bluebonnet portrait. I usually protest a little but inevitably end up out there on the side of the road with them. Do I really have to go
Q: I live in Arkansas but recently visited Port Aransas with my family for our summer vacation. We had never been to the Texas coast and were really looking forward to the trip, but it turned out that what could have been four beautiful days on the beach were marred by
Q: How old need a boy be to receive the gift of a first gun? ChristopherAustinJanuary 2009A: Assuming that we are not speaking of some wild-assed hellion who will bury his relatives in a torrent of tiny steel balls the first time a firearm is laid in his hands, age
Q: I was born and raised in Texas and have resided in New York City for the past couple of years. On a recent trip back home, I visited a friend on his ranch in West Texas and was mocked unmercifully for wearing skinny jeans. I will admit that the jeans
Offering fine advice since 2007.
Offering fine advice since 2007.
Offering fine advice since 2007.
On why good neighbors mend good fences, drinkin' while dog walkin', and the proper way to dispose of bacon grease (hint: in your belly).
To Daniel Vaughn, New Barbecue Editor of Texas Monthly, on the Occasion of His First Day On the Job
On unleashing the hounds, the definition of a dance hall, and relieving one's self in the Gulf of Mexico.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
On pecan picking, marrying a Californian, and apartment dwelling . . .
How are you doing as a raiser of authentic Texan offspring? Take this handy quiz and find out.
Oyster aphrodisiacs, hat manners, drill team attire, and why a man needs a weekender.
Wayward dog droppings, “barbecue” versus “grill,” flag displays, and the best way to get a husband to slim down.
The disappearing hi sign, an off-color in-law, outdoor urination, and the critical function of weather-related small talk.
School yard bullying, game-day taunts, gambling etiquette, and children who dislike bones in their meat.
The Texanist dishes up a heaping helping of fine advice.
A fond look back at Temple, a.k.a. Ratsville and/or Tanglefoot, that fair burg wherein your dedicated advice columnist learned the location of the thin line between right and wrong.
Vegetarian offspring, a barroom dispute, maintaining the “Texas identity,” and whether anything can be done to cure a marriage-threatening case of snoring.
The trouble with black beans, an unnatural attachment to Texas license plates, the perils of striking up a conversation in the restroom, and the discomfort of two men riding together on the same Harley.
Is it legal to be buried on my own property? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: My wife and I are working toward finally buying some property in Washington County to retire on and have a place for the kids and grandkids to come and enjoy the
Dance hall guilt, faded accents, SUVs with “Truck” plates, and the ancient initiation ceremony at which a young Texan male is presented with his first firearm.
Yes, even famous people have favorite burgers. And since the hamburger was invented right here in Texas, we decided to ask a few famous Texans to tell us their stories about their favorite burger experiences. Rebecca RobinsonMiss Texas 2008, Miss Congeniality in Miss America 2009Lives in Dallas Rebecca
What’s the best cure for jellyfish stings?
Is the secret to good healthy actually “Crazy Water”? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: I am a Texan of advanced age who is hearing all the clamor surrounding health care. I grew up in Mineral Wells, drinking the famed water they merchandise, and I enjoy great health
My husband wants to taxidermy our dog when he goes to that big yard in the sky. I don’t. Can I convince him this is wrong? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: Our family dog is getting on in age, and my husband and I have begun to
What’s the etiquette of political yard signs? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: My housemate and I have very different political leanings, but we’ve never let this get in the way of our friendship. We have an agree-to-disagree policy. Then, without any discussion, she put a yard
The Texanist on tailgating, winterizing grass, and beer cocktails.
On tomboys, spiciness, and the end of the UT-A&M rivalry.
Stray dogs, baby-blue guayaberas, matters of pigskin loyalty, and the proper disposal of beer cans at the beach.
Unwelcome shotgun blasts, unwanted mustaches, uncouth behavior, and the un-bare-able truth about going sockless in your cowboy boots.
Violent mockingbirds, farm-to-market roads, football versus lacrosse, and the incredible nerve of storekeepers who charge for spit cups.
Boot-scooting in the right direction, leaving New York, wondering about the yardman, and trying out the cowgirl look when you’re no longer 25.
How to respond to those weird bumper testicles, pledge allegiance to the flag, ask to see the top of someone’s boots, and decide between sweet and dill.
Disciplining a wayward niece, care packages for Texas soldiers, revisiting South Padre, and the truth about raccoon penis bones.
Learning to speak Texan, postprandial bed-sharing, how to start a fire, and a barber shop conundrum.
Watching the Super Bowl on the sly, meeting the Hill Country neighbors, sharing a bed with man and dog, and smoking grapevine.
Enforcing gravel-road etiquette, contemplating “turkey bacon,” reconsidering the bolo tie, and sussing out the true meaning of “goat roper.”
How do I explain topless sunbathing in Austin to my children? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: I was in Austin visiting my brother recently, and he took me and my kids, a nine-year-old girl and a ten-year-old boy, to Barton Springs Pool to go swimming.
Spousal adjustments, fly abatement, soccer parenting, and the truth about creased jeans.
Passing a tractor, building a barbecue pit, luxury pickups, and the trials of a Canadian Texan Down Under.
Picking bluebonnets, pastry terminology, angling laws, and the best way to respond to a speeding ticket.
Nicknames, parental discretion, summer camp, and the best way to talk about breast enlargement.
Animal cruelty, greasy handshakes, offerings of meat, and Texas toasts—the spoken kind.
School colors, wedding music, spare-ticket reimbursement, and why not to plant a mesquite for dear old granddad.
Aisle-scooting etiquette, slaughtering a turkey, skunk remedies, and the proper way to approach a group of ladies at a dance hall.
As anyone who has eaten too many heat-lamp hot dogs smothered in pump chili knows, the foodstuff consumed on the way to your destination can be one of the horrors of the trip. To help guide your gastronomic ramblings this summer, we asked our advice columnist for his five snacks.Beef
